Remembering Life and loss...5 years later...

On May 16th 2006 one of the closest people near and dear to my heart was taken from this earth....my life would be forever changed. Brandon Allen Brooks was and is one of the best men to ever walk this earth.

Lets back up to 2006 and the years before. You see at a young age I met Brandon in church. When I got my chance to go youth group early I had no idea I was going to be blessed with some of the best role models ever. Brandon was one of those. We quickly bonded, he became my brother. We joked, we fought, we laughed, we cried, and we talked. When I was 14 I hit hard depression it was one of the hardest years of my life just dealing with my life on a daily basis. He was there from day one. He was there to tell me it will be alright. He was there to tell me I'm worth something. He was everything I needed at the time. He gave me a verse that forever will be a part of my life...song of Solomon 4:7 all beautiful you are my darling there is no flaw in you". Because of that I was able to find myself again.


Now fast forward to the night of May 15th. I was up that night super late. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't sleep. It wasn't to strange, I mean once my mind gets going it was common I would be restless. However this night I had the urge to right. I had the urge to write to Brandon what he meant to me. I always went to him and thanked him and told him I loved him but I wanted to make sure he knew how much he had meant to be over the last year. It didn't seem to strange I liked to let people know what I felt especially when it touched my heart and my life in big ways. This is what I wrote that night....


What you are to me...
You are someone who loves no matter what.
You are someone who listens before jumping to conclusions.
You are someone that gives advice not demands.
You are someone who really just trys to understand.
You are someone I can talk to without fear.
You are someone who is always near.
I can always count on a hug and smile from you.
I love especially the way you are just you.
Will all these things and more I know I can love and trust you just the way you are.


Remember I was just 14 at the time so my writing skills were not the greatest. But I was getting the points across. Once I wrote this I felt peace and soon after was able to fall asleep.


Now May 16th 2006...The next day...
It was a normal mid summer day. So much so that I don't remember to much of what I did that day. I do however remember the night clearly when I found out that Brandon was no longer hear on earth. By the time Jen got to my house to get me I had pieced what was going on. I knew he was gone but nothing was confirmed. She arrived gave me a huge hug and told me to get in the car (she showed amazing strength to hold it together). She told me we were going to our youth pastors house. At this point I knew what happened and was super tense but until it was confirmed I wouldn't let it out. It was the longest 10min ride of my life. Once we arrived my youth pastor sat me down and Jen sat beside me. I held her hand tight as he told me "Brandon has gone to be with Jesus" My first reaction was pissed..."are you really talking to me like I'm 5 years old right now?" Then he had told me what happened it was then that I broke down. It was officially the beginning of what would forever change my life and the person I would become. At 14 I grew up fast.  How was I going to deal with this? How was I going to accept death at 14. How was I going to get through this when he was the one that was helping me get through everything?

5 Years Later....I'm getting through. I've spent much time with those I love over the years. Doing many things to keep his memory alive. I have a routine every year when the day comes up. Time does heal thankfully but you never forget the one who impacted your life so much at such a young age. I never give up on things because that is what Brandon had instilled in me. Work your hardest and you do anything. I have gone through a lot with his passing and after and I'm able to stay strong because of knowing Brandon. I'm now finishing my A.A.S. degree and working at an amazing job where children steal my heart and make me laugh everyday. I have an amazing boyfriend of 3 years that is my world and has completely accepted all my flaws and my past. He truly is a gift from above and has the biggest heart I've seen in a long time. Life is still life and it has its instability but I still live it everyday to the fullest just the way Brandon did.

I still find myself telling new people I meet about how I lost my brother, my best friend, my mentor, the worlds best man. I tell them how great he was. How lucky I am to have known someone so great. How I don't often cry over his death because his life blessed me so much.



May 16th 2006 was hands down the hardest day of my life thus far....5 years later on this milestone its still one of the hardest days to deal with. I try my best to celebrate his life and now dwell in his death. Brandon was amazing and will always be seen as that way in my heart. His memory lives on and someday when I make it to eternity we will meet together again.

This ones in God's hands!

A conversation that led to sooo much... 
So much goes on in relationships and I love every part because no matter the good or the bad you learn and you grow. Lately I've been hitting struggles and I welcome them with open arms because I know of the experience I'll get from them. It's hard to wonder and not know what the other person is thinking or how they may interpret something but at the same time its a opportunity to learn to not worry and to learn to have patience and understanding! This has been a huge one for me recently. I didn't realize how "ME" centered I've become in my relationship. I know that I'm the girl the "princess" and I do think I should be treated like one but with that comes the prince. I mean I don't have to be with him I choose to be so in return if he chooses to treat me right he deserves the same in return. I've learned that some people aren't ready for the same things you are but that doesn't mean they don't love you any less. I run into communication issues with my relationship a ton they have had there good and bad times over the last three years and its all apart of growing and changing.

Lately I need to be more understanding and he needs to be more open both huge struggles we have faced our entire lives. This is where I lay it all in God's hands. I know he is the only one who can truly open our hearts. He's the one that knows our futures and because of that I give this to him. It's up to me to try to be as understanding as I can. As well as communicate in a that can be understood and not all about me. Where it goes from there is God's. His timing and his ways. See as a little girl I've had it planned that I wanted to be married at 23 a kid at 25 my life was set. As long as I could raise my child without daycare and I could work part-time I didn't need anything more just my little family. Well reality sucks I'm about to be 20 and have finally come to terms with the fact planning a wedding at 3 doesn't do you any good when God decides when and whom you will marry.

 So with all this I've learned 3 big things....1. Be willing to understand and communicate in a way that is successful and also loving for both of you. 2. Don't plan your future your not really in control of it. 3. Enjoy the journeys and relationships you get to experience in life...take in every opportunity you can to learn from them. No matter how short or how long...if its for a year or forever. Learn everything you can and enjoy all that you can. That is what your really in control of everything else will fall into place because it's the way its SUPPOSED to be.

A little about this princess....

This first post is to welcome you to my blog and get a little understanding about me. First off the name "the life of a princess" is not a some stuck up title I thought of. Its a name and title I try to live by given to me by the men in my life and my heavenly father. You see my Heavenly father is the king of kings therefor when I was born into his world I was born a princess. My father also thinks so...hes called me his princess girl since I can remember. My boyfriend treats me like a princess. I try to hold to the name. 

Anyways with that being said hes some more about me....

I'm currently try to get through my last days of a teen as smoothly as I can. No one can ever prepare you for your teen years and I think I believe the same of my 20's but I'm preparing myself for lots of fun and change. I'm currently dating the love of my life and best friend for the past 3+ years...our story is amazing and I would love to share it someday....it continues to amaze me! I'm going to school to get a General AA and then hopefully focus on social work and psychology...not sure where I want to go with it but I have a passion for kids and mentoring. I work at a gym its a love/hate relationship but I'm beginning to love it more then hate it....I love my co-workers and am learning to enjoy my job everyday! I have many ins and outs of my life bottled up and hopefully through this blog will be able to share them all. I have a desire to get my thoughts and feelings out and hopefully it will help me grow as well as maybe help someone else. This is me in a short statement but I guarantee if you continue to read my blogs our eyes will be open to much more of the ins and outs of me and my life...from challenge to triumph and everything in between :)